Dear new neighbors:
This isn’t an easy letter to write; I am normally a pretty tolerant person. I can put up with a lot. A lot. But I simply cannot put up with you any longer. You should know that I have already initiated eviction proceedings against you. It would be best for everyone concerned if you just packed up and left on your own terms, but since you appear to be stubborn as well as annoying, I frankly don’t see that happening.
I tried my best to ignore you for the past couple of months, but I have reached my breaking point. I can’t believe that you have the gall to just suddenly show up to join the party any time we have had food or drinks on our deck this summer, uninvited. Didn’t you notice that whenever you came up to one of us, we did our best to get away from you as quickly as possible? Apparently, you just cannot take a hint. Well, I’m here to tell you now: “WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE!”
And while I’m putting it all out there, let me just add that I do not care for your rude, aggressive behavior. Your barbs? They are really hurtful!
But still, even after all of that, I was willing to tolerate you until I noticed that you decided to construct an addition to my garage for your home. Seriously… who does that?
And there’s no conceivable way that your “home” is in compliance with our city’s zoning laws. For one, it’s just not safe. But beyond that, you have so many family member sharing such a tiny space! Before you protest, yes, I’ve done some reading up on your culture and I understand that this is normal. But still, I have to put my foot down.
And, it’s not just my family who doesn’t want you here. I’ve seen our other neighbors (our real neighbors who live in actual houses) give sideways glances at your “home” over the last week or so.
So, consider yourselves warned. We’ve called someone to forcibly evict you and to remove your dwelling from our garage. They’re going to “treat” your home, and I am pretty sure that does not mean that they will be buying you ice cream.
Under different circumstances, maybe we could have gotten along with one another. Well, no… after careful consideration, there are absolutely no circumstances under which I could have liked you even a little bit. Please die and do it quickly and quietly.
As a parting gift, here is a photo of your home taken this evening.
Have a nice death, wasps.